a Single Thought

I sat lonely
Staring at the empty chairs around me
Eyes touch the cold floor
Reflected from the black walls surrounding me
A deep breath
To ease myself from freezing

I thought I found you
The day I saw your face
The way it glistened under the lights
Amongst everyone else that matters
Your soul sounds the most beautiful
Like a birthday song on a winter's night

I lost you
The day you decided to leave
Leave me alone in your past
Stitched together by sadness and tears
Cemented into a mere sculptor
Displayed in your museum of memories

I inhale the wind
That stench from the vast emptiness
You left resonating in our familiar place
Where no longer you sit right in front of me
And smile as I study the contour of your face
And a soul that was so so beautiful.

Long pause, and no answer.

Is this love,
when you wake up thinking of somebody
wondering whether they've awaken
hoping that they are up and thinking about you
too

Is this love,
when the first thing you do
after you've arrived at work
is to text them good morning,have a good day
HUGS!!!

Is this love,
when during lunch time with friends
all you can think and talk about is them
and all you can imagine is them sitting infront of you
darn!

Is this love,
when you hang on to every word they say
even revamp your room according to their liking
and paste floral wallpapers just because they like flowers
sigh....

Is this love,
when on mondays
you are already planning for friday
and how you're gonna be lazing the weekend away
together.

Is this love,
when you can forget everything and everyone else
put your life by the sidelines
for they trump absolutely anything
everything!

Is this love,
when you lose sleep at night
can't seem to shut your eyes for minutes
as they consume you inside out
restless

Is this love,
when you become emotionally inept
poetically dramatic with your words
even when ordering an alluringly provocative grande sized caramel macchiatos
extra caramel sauce please.

Is this love?
Well, apparently not.

To Swallow:

Dear Swallow,
Why insist on flying with the rain
When the wind cruel and the water pinches
Soaked through delicate shinny quills
Drenched by the sorrow of morbid tears
Harbinger of heartbreaks that follows after another
Wing gracefully flapped as you swiftly snatched
The next gullible green that comes along
But on your wings you shall stay
Transient as your feathers age with time
And the glossy blue fades into a ghoulish green
The songs once chirped in joy of love
Wilted along the fall of your soulmate
As you shall return in the storm
To the birthnest where you began
And shall end in a forlorn cry
Of a swallow that once knew happiness.

the sweet november

am blogging A LOT lately. just in case ur wondering, i have A LOT of blogs to manage. in fact, just started a new one for my new batch of AUSMAT 2010! Gosh, am so tired of signing in and out of different accounts.

well, at least one good thing came out from me constantly being on blogger. that is i finally get to giving my favourite blog a new look :) Hope you love it as much as i do!

life has been plain lately, painfully plain. work has been paperwork non-stop, preparing and re-preparing for the new semester year is taking its toll on both me and miss chan. we seriously deserve a long break(but would settle for a short one too) and a huge fat ass kicking bonus!!!(please.... pretty please...*puppy eyes*)

social life wise, i'm thankful that i'm surrounded by good friends, great friends that i can always count on to share the ups and downs of life with. I love you guys!!!! HUGS!!!!!

Love wise.... ermmmm..... am hopeful. am hopeful that this someone i'm seeing is worth the rest of my life with. But i can't help but be very careful, cause I really want things to work out and i can't afford to be shattered again. so I AM HOPEFUL. I BELIEVE. And I AM TRYING! ;)

thats all about my life for now. care to tell me about yours? :)

And....

As a constant reminder of....

Earthlings

I lie there
Fully conscious
Sensory intensified
Bludgeoned, My skull
Smashed into hundred ten pieces
Flaming blood splashes across
A faithful face I trust
A face too familiar
Yet so distant with cold
A face that's alive
But so near to my death

I lie there
Fully conscious
Dumbfounded, My trust
Breached by the obsolete kindness
I once showed to you and your kind
As my eye gape in terror
A pair of bloody hands
Along many many other hands
Smashing and slashing
Every drop of life
Out of every single inch of my flesh

Where is the knowing that should be guiding the gullible
Where is the strong that should be protecting the weak
Where is the civilised that should be enlightening the innocent
Where is the merciful that should be loving the forgotten
Where is the tall and mighty that should be sheltering the rest

If killing me is merely a sport
Than my tomorrow will be the prize to pay

Damn, its gonna be November soon!

I just spent the past 45 minutes, lying on bed, biting my nails, squeezing my brain juice, trying to scribble down a list of ambitious, yet reachable new year resolutions. i don't usually put a lot of thoughts to this sort of things, but since i'm already a quarter of a century old, and will be evn more ancient next year, so i guess its about time i do.

sigh... it does makes me so depressed going through the things that i'm suppose to have done or achieved by now, but failed to do so. procrastination, thou shall no longer be thy companion.

my list, so far has 5 items on it. but some of it are too personal, that i shan't share it here.

(M chugging down a cup noodle while writing this, BAD HABIT! well, forgiven considering i only had two subway sandwiches for the entire day. plus, i gymed today!!!)

gosh, i suddenly miss home. haven't been home for more than 6 months now. i miss the mother who would sit infront of the tv and watch sappy movies or drama and cry together with me. i miss the father who would send me the same text FOUR times at 2/3a.m. waking me up just to tell me not to stay up late coz its bad for my health!!! I miss my babies!!! Lee Ann who should be pretty tall by now, JaySern who constantly call me up asking for candy, and Wayne Hern who should be able to run around by now. can't wait to see them and run around with them all day long!!!

sigh.... now time for my last doze of meds!!!

Life. oh life.