Tuesday, July 28, 2009

开始懂了Kai-Shi-Dong-Ler(beginning to realize)

i'm listening to Stephanie Sun again. gosh... thats a sign that i'm not right somewhere, somehow again.
just spent the entire nite vomiting out every single thing i eaten today, that makes a plate of fried noodle, and some scrambled eggs. still feel like vomiting, but there's nothing else to vomit. i hate vomiting, always had always will. could this please be the last and only time i have to?
i hope i will stay healthy longer.

blogger's nice to me tonight, maybe its taking pity in my pain. can't seem to get any shuteye, uneasiness.

am trying to be more appreciative of each day. each day is priceless. each person i get to meet every hour of the day is priceless.

fun, fun is something i want to experience while i still can. before everything degenerates and loose control.

love, love is something i want to show and emphasize more. they won't know it unless you say it, so say 'I love you' more often.

pain, pain is something i will eventually get used to. get used to it already!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

a letter to you

Dear you,

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking and waiting for possibilities.
You told me not to expect anything from this friendship, but its really hard for me to do so when you treat me the way that you do. i tried to overlook this feeling, but it builts up and takes over my rationale and all logic.

call me a sucker for nice-ness, i don't care, just please treat me like crap.

I thank you for helping me find my old self again, the one that i've been hoping to be reunited with for such a long time. I am grateful for that, I really am.
but the old me, he falls easily, and he gets hurt easily. he's optimistic and this may be the opposite of what you need to survive in our world today.

so you, if you are just going to dig him up, and let him fall prey to the vicious vultures that awaits salivating, then please stop.

dear you, saying gudnt my fren would not provide me with a great peaceful night of sweet dreams. stresssing on how nice and kind i am, will not make a difference in how disappointed i am in certain things and people. neither would doing a vanishing act when i really need someone to talk to, to share my grief on the sadness of the world.

you, you told me about the world. you make me look forward to the world. but am i merely a medium for you to channel your frustrated wisdom? or am i a little brother that you genuinely care for and hope to set apart from the rest?

dear you, you say you are still pining for that person. you ask me whether its silly for you to wake up every morning missing someone's face. i blabbered, as always. when all i really wanted to say was that, i wish that someone was me.

you, and only you, I am not meant for things like this. as you've said, i deserve someone who love and treat me as good if not more than the person I am. so you, I am turning away. I am giving this, what ever it is that we have between us away.

you, i am pulling myself away. i need to pull myself away while its still fully attached.
I care about you and i really hope that i can be there to ensure that you will be okay. but honestly my heart can't afford to let me do so.

so this is me saying a slow goodbye. (add waving gesture)

goodbye you. i wish you all the best and hope you will be granted your heart desire, even if that desire will never be me.

With all my....(tick whichever relevant)