bed talk

its been a pretty mundane week. this week is specifically set for the progress test, so we don't have the usual classes. anyway, i have plenty things to keep me busy, like invigilating the exams, marking test papers, preparing next weeks lessons, and also make serious preparation for my new lower basic class starting next week.

got my first official paycheck today. it isn't much, but still i worked really hard for it. however, after deducting things like household allowances for my parents, rent, debts to be paid, groceries and stuff. i barely have anything left. sad, i know. but i can't expect much with such puny salary.

sigh.....
sigh............
sigh...............................................................................................................................................................

but look on the bright side, i'm gaining valueble experience here. now i'm gaining experience in training international students, next year i'll be handling local students. so, yeah, it would help to build up my resume and stuff. and after that, if i'm still not so happy with the increment, i'll just bit them farewell, in search of greener pastures.

was on the phone with christine just now. we were both bitching about our job. from undergrads, we've turned into underpaid and under appreciated freshgrads. but no matter how much we moan n whine, deep down we know that we are just releasing tension, n we don't really hate it that much. well, maybe a little, heheh....
but sigh, how to make ends meet when ur being paid so little? thought about getting part-times, but i wouldn't want to bite off more than i can swallow wouldn't i?

guess i better stick to the 'roti-for-lunch-regime' that i've going on the past four weeks =(

or would chow-kit be a better option?

ps: i'm expecting a nephew!!!!

ps2: incase ur wondering, the post got it title becoz i was lying on my bed marking exam papers when i got the phonecall from christine =P

what/how i am doing rite now.

just woke up from a short nap that started around 7.30pm until now, 11pm. and will probably pick up where i left off after i finish this. this is no longer out of the ordinary for me. i've had my fair amounts of 'got-back-from-work-and-just-fall-onto-bed-and-die' those kinda days.

today i spent 9.00am to 3.30 am teaching non-stop, with just two 30 minutes breaks in between. after that, i rushed back to the office for a department meeting for the language center lecturers. the meeting dragged on until 5.30, and i was safely home by 6.00pm.

but really, i've got nothing much to complain about.

offcourse the work is very tiring, with the demanding workload and enormous pressure. off course its intimidating being the only non-master holder(what more the least experienced one)amongst all the other great lecturers. off course the international students are very hard to deal with as language, culture and life style can be a pretty huge barrier, and not to mention most of them are (much) older than me. off course from time to time, i would feel like giving up, stop trying and just pack my stuff and leave everything behind. off course life had become reasonably mundane for me now that working had consumed almost 3/4 of my time(and the 1/4 left i would spend pig-ing away).

but i am counting my blessings. at least i've got a stable job. at least i get pain every month. at least now i can help out with the financial situation of my family. at least i am now one step closer to buying myself a decent car(but i love bein a motorcyclist, except when it rains). at least after six month i will be transfered to the australian matriculation program(AUSMAT) department, but i'm sure i will miss these international students deeply. at least my students are fond of me and enjoy my classes(but they seem toi be showing this in their own ways). at least if things doesn't work out with this job, there will be other prospects out there to fall back on. and last but not least, at least i still have friend that i can always count on for "hey, I'm bored, lets hang out." that kinda things, and many other things(thank u guys).

next week i will start teaching my lower basic classes. i am a bit worried because i heard that it can be quite nerve-wreckingly challenging, and i have really big shoes to fill.

but hey, challenges IS a part of life, and i've survived so far.

so yes, i am growing up, and i'm actually fine with it.






From this













To this....












And this, Zzzzzzzz.....

Orfeo, turn around, Eurydicē

Put away your misery
Tug away the pain
Stop numbing this with debauchery
Nor let your self it taints

You've witnessed every shatters
You've picked up all the debris
For every one that matters
Leaves shadows scar your iris

A heart filled by nothing
Dampens the light encircles
Their kindness meant for soothing
Scorched pride turns obstacles

Don't shun us from your sadness
Disguised by sardonic sarcasm
Amidst the sorrow lonesomeness
Rest, let us take you to our bosoms
I know that it won't cease hurting
But at least you'll have a shelter for the wounded soul

S.E.L.F.I.S.H.N.E.S.S

its the end of the weekend, but it still feels like i'm stuck in any other weekdays.

had a restless weekend. spent almost the entire weekend at home alone, in my room. been doing nothing, except goin grocery shopping, watch tv and online.

been doing a lot of thinking too.

sigh...

i've realized that we are alone in this world. no matter what you might think, no matter what others say, no matter how things seem to be, we are still alone. nobody would be there to accompany or help you when you need it. nobody care or worries about you when all you need is a simple 'how are you?' msg. ppl would think and behave like they care, but do they really.

after all, 'self-' in the word 'selfish' does not mean other people. so generally, its safe for me to say that ppl are selfish. they don't see all that u've done for them, be it big things or a lot of small things. when u ask them for help, all that u get thrown at u are reluctant excuses.

i am a person who likes to keep my problems to myself. i do and always do prefer to solve my own problems. so i won't come to you and ask for favours, unless i really need ur help. so, go figure.

maybe its time for me to pick up the same 'selfish' attitude as well. who knows, then they will get a taste of what its like to be alone n helpless.

Karma does goes around you know.

au revoir

Duck, i used to
From the burning glare
Ruthless comments cuts
As I drown in obsessive thoughts
By no one, but myself
Worrying every minute away

Looks, whispers, sneer...
I used to care about
It used to bug me what you see
Think, says, likings
Now I simper and look away
As you chose to walk out
And i decided to let go

Great times there were
Bad times lingers
If you really saw me
Then this would not be the ending
Words were said, towels were thrown
Still I am the same
inside still the same I am
If only you knew

Wrong was we
To be doing to each other
What we said we wouldn't
But time is endless
unlike our patience
You no longer sees me
And I no longer hear you
Shun from with
I swallow as you break
Decided to journey with others

Retreat
I return to this shell
That i left when i met you
Its still echoing cold inside
But it shields me from the rest
While i seal myself
And revert to a closet
To before it ever started
No longer
Do I know you.

this is so funny...HAHAHAA...

Why Singapore Girls can never win pageant


One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always
ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or
higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years
ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA,
Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked ? simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting with
the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!

MC: Your next chance. The name of a famous car that starts with "L"
Miss USA: Lexus
Miss Malaysia: Lamborghini
Miss Singapore: Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!

MC: I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a fruitstarting with the
letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss
Singapore should really be disqualified ; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was
having so many problems with the letter "L", they decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is : Name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN CIAU
The Judges fainted..!!!

Living the now.

(the view from my bedroom window every morning)

it's been quite a long week for me. but so far, i'm feeling like i'm living every minute of it to the fullest. i no longer drift through the whole day asking myself: 'what have i done today?' instead, i wud now constantly ask myself: 'what haven't i done today?'

working life is so far ok for me. i mean, its a lot of pressure and all, but its all worth it. n i dun mean the pay. its da whole process of having to learn or re-learn something before i am actually able to teach it to my classes that makes it all worth it. i am constantly on my toes, learning and revising everything. because i am no longer a student in a university, am no longer a teacher in school. no longer am i suppose to allow myself to barely pull through everyday with the thought of merely pulling my loads. i have responsibilities now, a hell lot of it, n i intend to perform my best.

the challenges are getting more and more nerve-wrecking by the day, and i can feel myself getting stronger and wiser by the day. i know that i will come out from the other end of this, as a whole new better me.

i thank God for opening a window for me. and may this window broaden and becomes a big door for me, n the people i love.

i am truly living my life by the moment. every moment that i get to do something with my life, every moment that i get to spent with my friends and my loved ones, and every moment that i spent with my love. all these moments, make-up a life. and a fairly good one i would propose.

I am living. I can now finally say that without a flinch.

I am truly living.


p.s: today i went out window shopping with Chek and pn.Ki. and the moment i saw this, i just knew that i have to have it in my room, at a corner where i can see it everyday.















































and this is how it looks like when i turn the lights off =)









































Simply magnificent!