12 Lotus made me cry!!!

I have a few confessions to make:

1. I am secretly addicted to chocolate chip cookies, especially while watching movies.

2. i can finish two large packets of Ruffles, with mayo dippings, while watching any movies

3. I ALWAYS cry from watching movies.

4. its always the oddest things in a movie that stimulate my tear buds.

5. I cried watching Rambo for heaven's sake!


now, after knowing all these dark twisted secret about me, i bet u won't be surprised to learn that i cried, yet again, watching this Singaporean film called '12 Lotus'.

but if u've seen the film, or at least know what its about, you would be.

12 Lotus is the title of a hokkien song, that is usually performed in 'getai' (i think thats how i'm supposed to spell it) or a cabaret-like performance amongst the chinese community, esp during the hungry ghost month.

the movieevolves around the life-story of our female protaganist, from childhood onwards. and yes, she was a 'getai' singer. i was very surprised by the way the director brilliantly blended hokkien tunes into the plot of the film. and how small small details are given the proper attention, that they managed to touched deep far corners in my heart taht hadn't been reached by other films. some might argue that the plot is of a cliche and melodramatic sort. but think again, isn't that what's all our lives about? whether you like to admit it or not.

i spent the entire night, laughing, and crying with thecharacters. and trust me, if my hokkien is fluent enough, i would even be singing with them.

and some scenes are just so beautifully shot, they practically took my breath away!!!

so if you haven't seen this film, get a hold of it and SEE IT!!!

last but not least, i would like to quote from the film ;)

"Without love, there wouldn't be pain.
Without pain, there wouldn't be love."

so simple, yet so true.

an update.... for keeping sake

Feeling less lethargic lately. have loads to do, but am still picking up more things to do. dealing with work as i should, pick up charcoal sketching again after such a long time, keeping myself fit and toned by going to the gym more often, even writing a short play. who needs people when you can do all these by urself rite, heheh(dry)

relationship wise, i've decided to let go. i've always knew that not everything will always go the way we want them to, esp things like this. so i've told myself to stop looking, and let it find you instead. just don't stop believing. everyone needs a reason to wake up to, and that reason is the person that will walk beside you for the rest of your life, down the aisle or not. and along the way i will make friends, good friends or average friends, but still, friends.

social life wise, i'm fed-up with most of the ppl who i thought were my friends all along. some of them just seriously need an attitude change. sit down and thjink people. think of how i've treated you as a friend, and think back on how you've treated me back. like what someone told me lastnite: 'you could never go wrong by putting yourself in other people's shoes' So sit down and at least be willing to spare me some thoughts, or else, what we had is not worth keeping, and i'll be more that glad to say goodbye.

it's true what Woo Ming Jin's short film character says:
'This is a big city, but sometimes it's the loneliest place.'

Resuming life as a passenger

when i was young(as in kiddy young) i'm always the one who would not bicker with my siblings over who gets to seat in the front seat of my father's old ferrari. rather, i would volunteer to sit at the back, preferably by the window.

then i would roll down the window and rest my elbow on the window frame, and my chin on top of it. wind would be blowing across my face as my father 'speed' through the familiar roads. my eyes would be rolling left-right-p-down, scanning and taking in everything i could see. my sisters would be complaining that the wind is too strong and its messing their hair up, but duh... like i care?

then, as i grew up, all the cars i've ever sat in got airconditioning. naturally, i no longer have an excuse to roll down the window. i would glance at the world outside and realize that somehow, everything seems to have lost its lushes colour through the thin layer of tinted glass. i yearn to reach my hand out and touch, but am afraid of being lashed for blotching the car window with my dirty fingers.

as time goes by, i started to pay less attention to what is outside the car window. instead, i would constantly be sitting in the front seat of the car and staring straight ahead of the road, or scrutinizing every single detail of the auto's interior(or the driver's)

then, i became a driver myself, chances to look at the sceneries outside became even more scarce. slowly, i forgot how to 'see' and 'appreciate' the sceneries outside. the many many little beauty that are placed around us. i learnt to obey the rules (or rather law) of life, set by others. like: focus on the road, do not be distracted by things outside, stare straight ahead, and only ahead, glance at the rear mirror occasionally.... the more i obey and practice all these, the more i forget about the importance of stopping and seeing the things around me. the more i drive ahead, the more i loose track of the things and people that passes by beside me.

but thankfully, i got a gentle reminder a few weeks ago. as i crashed my car into the back of a lorry, and practically shattered the front part of my car, eventhough i manage to get out of the car(after they pull the door off) without a scratch. the first thought that came to my panic mind was... NO! not flashes of life or white lights, or any other things of that sort! it was "WHAT AM I GOING TO DRIVE FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS!!!" and i also didn't fail to pester the tow-truck driver with my concern, keep asking whether they can get it fixed within days instead of weeks or months.

but now, after a week or so of not driving. instead sitting on the passenger seat of my housemate's car, or the many many taxis that i've splashed my hard-earned money on, i've started to look back out the car window. even though it's still behind the windshield, but i'm beginning to notice the things that i've failed to for all this time.

the way the houses and buildings seem to fly by as people brush across you as you try to focus on the one thing that stands out the most.

the way the trees seems to be swayed by the wind, as if the cars are driving pass too fast, and the leaves would be forming patterns of different shades under the reflection of sun light.

i hate to say this, but not being able to drive hadn't sucked as much as i expected it to.

i'm now seeing the things that i might have lose sight of all these years. and i shall continue to do so, having a reunion with everything i've missed, sitting still in the passenger seat and enjoying the nice view outside.