No more

there's only two weeks left, and i'm suppose to be glad tat this hell of an internship is cumin to an end. tat means there will be no more sleepless nite infront of the computer screen, squishing out every last drop of the creative juice in my brain to cum up with a good and fun lesson plan. no more dragging myself out of bed early the next morning to go print & photocopy worksheets for my kids. no more spending endless hours in the staff room trying my best to ignore the sharp sarcasm and sneering glare frm the other teachers. no more shouting my lungs out to the extend that oxygen fails to flow through my brain and visions grew dark. no more.... no more....
there's so many 'no more' that i shud be thankful for, then why am i having this heavy-hearted somber little butterfly flapping its wings in my guts?

whenever i think about all this no more, the cheerful faces of my kids would surface, floating amongst these 'no more', as if they're the debris of a sunken ship. my heart would sink along with them as they swirl in my ocean of thoughts and plant themselves deep within. when? i never realized since when did they mean so much to me, since when did i have so much love for them, since when did i overlooked all their flaws and they've overlooked mine, since when did they , matters so so much to me? this feeling of caring too much and love for them can be suffocating, especially for someone who is still figuring out the real meaning of the word love. is this love that i'm feeling for my kids? i'm not being cliche here but the thought of leaving them does makes my heart ache...

i'm tryin to cheer myself up by thinkin about all da 'no more's . but this is one 'no more' i wouldn't be celebrating. this is one 'no more' that i just can't let go of...