its a tuesday, supposedly da busiest day of the week for me. but here i m, skipping sosiologi class, now sitting infront of a computer in the library's computer lab.
so much had happened for the last few weeks. and unfortunately, almost all of it were unpleasant for me to bear. Life, Family, Friends, or maybe just people generally, had shown me that life itself is not a pleasant thing to go through. i have so many things to say, to so many people, to these people who had done me wrong one way or another. but what scares me is that, i have no words. its like my mind is already numb and cannot perform the duty of verbalizing what i'm feeling inside.
the whole point of me finally updating my blog now, is to voice out all the things that has been burdening me, pulling me down to my lowest point so far. but to my surprise(or shud i be scared shitless?) i'm am, well.... speechless, or at a lost of words if u like to call it that. all that is flasing through my mind rite now are just a few detached sentences, that i will try and essembles them into something.
so, good or bad, this is how i feel...
at times i am happy
at times i am sad
but at times that i am sad
i realise that those times that i was happy
weren't real
and then i'm sad again
when i'm expecting happy times
sadness comes and wipe it away
when i expect sadness
sadness comes in a combo size
so i've learnt
not to expect anything
anymore.
i have friends
i want everyone around me to be my friends
some people are nice
some aren't
but the people who are nice to me
are really the people who are not nice to me
and where does that leave me?
confused between the two?
or shall i just gather all my thoughts
and walk away?
maybe,
maybe i will do
just that.
i have a family
like everyone else
everyone has a family
but everyone has a different family
my family
just happens to be
a part of me that will leave me wondering
where do i belong?
all of these
make up a life
a life i don't like neither want
but all of this
is the life that i have
so all that i can do
is just hold on to all the pieces of my fractured self
and pray for the rest....
6 years ago
4 comments:
Tenh,
every FamiLy ade masaLanyE yG tersendiri...nV shoW doesn't meaN ntG... Manusia puLa spT sekepinG kaiN batiK!!! setiaP kaiN yG di catan ade coraKnye yanG berbezA...itu Lah sikaP manusia yG tersendiri...menerima lar mereka dengaN hati terbuka & menerima mereka waLaUpoN u taK suka...itu lah kawaN yG paLinG ikhlas...meneriMa mereka dengaN coraK mereka yG tersendiri~
HanG~ jgN lar bersediH! kesedihaN yG meLampaU hanya lar akan nimbused lagi persoaLaN persoaLaN yG meLebiH-LebiH di hiduP ini...sayanGi diri anda...& anda akaN disayanGi!!! hehe...tegoKlar dunia ini dengaN pandangaN yG lebiH luaS & suatu hari anda akan memahaMi bahawasanyE ia adaLaH memori yG nostaLgia! fuH~ aku cakaP entaH aper benda nie...
hai, betina gatal. berambus lah engkau dengan kata-kata hikmah yg mengarut entah ke mana ini!
jantaN ciLaKa! orG barniaT baiK~ dia nie puLaK menghaLaU~
I'm here to apologized...although i don't know what i did wrong specifically...you know, i had to asked Christine what exactly it was and she too didn't tell me. She hinted it was the way i treated you...
Again, i stress that if you have a problem with me, may it be anything, from my work to my behaviour do come to me and confront me face to face.
I don't know if you remember what we discussed earlier this semester about not wanting to end up as foes and you said that we won't. I feel that if confrontation happens often this kind of things won't happen. It takes two to tango in every relationship. I tried calling you. I sent you smses but you aren't in talking terms to me.
You might think what's the use of talking to me, well, i know what i did wrong exactly and i can mend what i have broken or avoid these things in the future. Yes, words remain words but i am not like others. You among all should know that and i am not one who is easily influenced by others given that i have my own stands and opinions.
If you think that you don't wanna deal with this, then you should just put this behind and move on. Otherwise talk to me. If you think that i'm not worthy of being your friend then just tell me. I will be out of your life. All the good times we had was real and i do enjoy our friendship. But if you think for even one second that i am this "the people who are nice to me
are really the people who are not nice to me" then i guess you really don't know me.
The ball is in your court now. I am just going to wait. Like i said, it takes two to tango. If only one person is working at this, it is not going to work. I never expected this kind of stunts from you and you have no idea how much your words and actions have hurt me.
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