If I can't ?

How can I be alive
If you are dead
How can I inhale these breaths
If you are cold, stiff without movements
How can I smile nor cry
If you are alone underneath frozen earth
How can I wake up and carry on
If it means leaving you behind

How can I be dead
If you are alive
How can I quit this beating burden
If you are still tied by the blues of the world
How can I lie resting in peace
If i know that every awakening hour is drowning you alive
How can I even look at that brightness
If it means leaving you behind

How can I still be alive
If you are dead
How can I not wish to turn around, catch glimpses of you
If you had never left me deep down inside
How can I not wake up weeping every morning
If I've never seen you in my dreams
How can I not want to leave this
If it means holding your hand again

How can I be dead
If you are still alive
How can I hover above the clouds
If I see you dragging your feet on the ground
How can I even close my eyes
If yours are open and welling, until dawn breaks
How can I not want to go back
If it means holding your hand again

Because I am dead
But you are still alive
Because I might be cold, lifeless
But in you I'll always be warm, alive
Because I want to see your every smile
But I don't want to make you cry
Because I would yearn to stay beside you
So I must live as mere memories and not in your dreams

Because I am still alive
But you are dead
Because I have to get up, live the seconds
While your arms surround me, keeping me warm
Because I have the heartbeats you left behind
And they need me to keep on living, loving
Because these eyelids have to close at night
Even though it means cease remembering and fail to see you in my dreams