this over-rated thing call love

I remember hearing from someone, or is it somewhere, that love completes a person's life.
and being the usual naive and easily influence blond that i am, i took it up word for word. i believed in it, and i held on to it as a sort of mantra of my life.

ever since then, i've been constantly looking over my shoulder, left and right, constantly on the look out, in case my true love might be passing me by, in fear that within the blink of an eye i might miss out on it.

keep telling myself that 'you'll never know for sure who is the one, unless you've put in everything you have and tried your best.' and i did, put myself in it, whole-heartedly, each and every time. and it is always the case, that each and every time, my heart was returned to me, battered and worn. 'at least you can now know for sure that it's not the one, so you can continue looking for the right one' and i smile, a bitter heart.

now, after a quarter of a century, after a few heartbreaks and failed relationships, after seeing the perfect persons turn into the complete strangers, i should change.

i should no longer believe in this cliche thing call 'LOVE'.
i should not wear my heart on my sleeves and expose myself to be scratched and wounded.
i should just sneer and say 'fuck love! who needs it when they can just settle for carefree sex and life'
i should shouldn't i?

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should I?

people are inconsistent. as i've witnessed throughout my years living with them. they can say one thing and mean another. they can promise something, then go do others. they can appear to be your true friend at one time, then turn their back on you the next.

so how can i trust? who can i trust? who should i trust with something so important as my heart. because once its beating stop, so will I.

should i trust someone who say that they will try and not break it? or should i trust some one who promise to keep it together with their own and lock it up forever, imprison it with theirs.

frankly, i do not know.

these days, i ain't know nothing anymore.

and it's better that way. it's for the better. believe that it's for the better....