a short note from an insomniac

Lately, haven't been updating my blog as i should. Just don't feel like there's much to write here at this time, might be due to the melancholic fear that lingers at the end of each year, or the mundane realization of a jaded mind.

Anyhow, i did wrote short pieces on this website set up by the british council people. so far i had submitted 2 pieces(the fruit of two particular sleepless night which had the inner writer in me itched to come out) .

so enjoy(or not).

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Sanctuary

He stands outside, on the balcony.

The rain pours and soaks his wavy hair, the wind pushes his stiff flesh, the storm grows harder and harder, outside and inside of him.

His emotion is numb. Living in this big city so many call home has taken it's toll on him. His body grows stiffer, toughen from all the challenges he faces on a daily basis. But his mind is limp, weaken by the constant worries and doubts. His spirit drowned, as it spirals down a water spout, a vortex of realism.

What's left of his mind wanders off to a time, a time where he still have traces of hopes and dreams rooted in his heart. An ambitious young man, as his friends and family would refer to him as. Now, where did that young man disappear to?

This place. He chose to live in this place because it hides him from the big city. Instead of facing high rising buildings, chaotic billboards, and blinding lights all over, he choose to be facing this piece of green. A mountain of trees surrounding a deep bottomless lake.

It brings him peace, it calms his soul. He would stand outside for hours. Starring at it, especially during rains. The rain water collected on the mountain top would form a temporary waterfall. And he would stand there and watch, until the waterfall drips it's last drop of water.

Afterward, he has to turn around, step back into the harsh reality. The reality of a world that consumes souls and thoughts, breaks hopes and shatters dreams.

But until then, he remains standing, starring out a a land of green, peace, and serenity....

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Distance

She sat there. The mug of 'hot-cham' in front of her had ceased to puff thin layer of heat.

Sitting opposite her wasn't the familiar face that's already engraved in her pupils. And that was a fact she was more than aware of.

"You know how people always ask how you are, whether they bump into you on the street, call you, or even drive all the way to your house to check on you? I start to wonder about the kind of answers that they expect to get. Should I just put on a facade front, just smile and nod submissively? Cause by being honest, I would do nothing but stir their worries."

I nodded.

"How can I be fine. I wake up every morning, realising that he's gone. Everything I'm used to, each moment that I knew.... All that is him, their no longer there."

I nodded.

"Two person meet each other, then love each other, becomes an entire life for each other. But when one of them has to go, when one of them isn't there anymore, what is to be of the other one?"

I nodded.

"You know what's worse about having to wake up and continue living your life afterward? It's the distance, it's the distance that hurts. And the pain inflicted by this distance is the same regardless of you being the one leaving, or the one left behind.... It hurts equally. Eternally...."

I nodded. "So what could you possibly do to make yourself okay, to feel better.... When the distance get so big, you feel so far away that you just can't stand it no more?"

I nodded.

"Can I let go, am I allowed to fall.... When there's so many people relying, counting on your well-being?"

I stayed still.