another friday

yesterday was an emotional day for me.
it was a friday and school's suppose to start at 2.30. but i went to school at twelve sumthin coz i've promised my studnets to help them out with the planning of their year end performance.
you see, my school have this tradition of havin the form 2 studnets staging a performance for the form 1s coz they'll be movin on to form three in the mornin session next year. so my kids frm 2 batai wanted me to be a sort of adviser to them in planning wat to stage on that particular day which will cum oni in october.
when they came to the staff room and asked me whether i can help them out with it, i hesitated. one is because i was informed by Pn. Angie two days ago that we'll be having our Buddy System Program on fri at 12:40, that is when the English teachers meet up with the math and science teachers to help them with their lgg. two, is because their final exam is around the corner, so i'm not sure concentrating on this performance thingy wud be best for them at the time being. but after checking with Cik Sathiya(another english teacher) and learn tat the BSP meeting had been postponed to nextweek, i went to their class and said yes.
later, i had a chat with cik Sathiya in order to gain more info on this year end performance thingy. i was told tat it is actually a competition. plus, my kids told me tat if they dun do well, the other kids would 'boo' at them. so, in short, it is quite important for them to stage a great performance in hope that they can sustain the 2 batai tradition of winnin it.
so i spent the whole nite wonderin what should they do for their performance. a musical wud be great but wat kind of musical? i've nvr been gud at this sort of thing, so i was plannin to ask my friends for help.
so, frm not sleepin the previous nite, i woke up at around 11.45 on friday. i washed up & took off to school. it feels a bit weird cos usually i wud wait for Geok Ping to cum to my place then we go off to school together. however, when i crossed at the traffic lite junction near my school, i bumped in to one of my kids--- Rowan. i assume tat he was on his way to 7-eleven to get a slurrpy or sumthin(like all the other kids) he told me tat the others r at the pavilion. so i told him tat i will be in the staff room.
i got to the staff room, put my stuff down and had a light hearted chat with one of the malay teachers. we chatted about my internship, and she told me of hers many years ago. it amazed me how different it was for them at that time.
soon, my kids came in search of me so i went to the pavilion with them. there was only a few of them so i assume tat most of them are on malaysian time. so i jus took a seat by one of my kids and jus had sum casual chat. then a few girls came and asked me to do them a favour. they wanted to test a few songs that they are considerin to use for their performance. i asked them to check the bilik tayangan coz i can't get the cd player as Pn. Angie is on leave, and she holds the key to the locker. they came back in a second tellin me tat sumbody is usin da blk tayangan, so i took them to the staff room instead, to check wheter the computers they are equipped with speakers. but, unfortunately, all da three computers weren't. i hated to dissapoint them, but there was nuthin else we cud do. so i promised to let them test the songs durin our english lesson in the computer lab.
we then went back to the pavilion. this time, there were much more of my kids gatherin there. i saw a few tables in the middle and they were surrounding it. sumthin inside told me that sumthing fishy is goin on.
then they all yelled: "SURPRISE!!!"
it was indeed a surprise. da entire planning performance thingy was jus an excuse to get me here, and the Cd player thingy was jus a diversion..... sigh..... i was speechless.
they did all that just to have this surprise goin away party for me.
i was so touch, i tried my best to stay calm and not shed tears or anything of tat sort in front of them. we then spent the next hour, gobbling up the food and i just sat down with them, and chatted away. i can see that sum of them are soaked with sweat from runnin around to get the food and everything prepared for this, and i can't help but feel guilty for puttin them through it. my heart sunk eevn more when i saw the expression on their dissapointed faces when i was not able to consume the food they've prepared for me due to health purposes. i wud take the risk if i had my medication with me, but sadly i stop takin them ever since i turned vegetarian.
so there we were, sittin by the green football field, sippin our ice cold carbonated drinks. my kids asked me about my life, my plan, while i wonder about the same things myself. lookin at them, i feel like i'm suffocating inside. i wanna be there for them, i wanna be by their side and watch them grow, i wanna witness their progress and help them learn, i wanna be there to abstain them from all the mistakes that they might stumble over, all the mistakes tat i did before and learn frm. . . . there's just so many things that i want to, but i can't. cos, apparently, not everything is in my control.
so the only thing that i can do, is to make sure that at the end of all this, i'll be looking back at everything with a smile. and they will look back at this and smile when they think of me(at least occasionally, heheh)



















Rowan striking a peace.



















Nicholas.... juz bein himself =P