New Year...

i came home quite late lastnite, around 2.30a.m.
i turned on my monitor, and i saw an IM from a friend of mine.
"Have you heard the bad news?"
My guts tightened and the hair behind my neck just stood on their ends.
something really bad must have happened again, I just couldn't shake that feeling away.
so i called that friend. even though its almost 3am and she's in Singapore.
she was sleeping.
But nothing can ever prepare me for the news that i've got after doing so....
i then spent the whole night tossing and turning in bed, can't even begin to fathom why things like this must happen.
things like these, they don't just hurt you, they utterly change u for life.

I waited and waited until the sun came out, and then until more n more later until i can be sure that if he could get any sleep before dawn, then he would have gotten as much as possible. then i called him.
his voice shattered my heart. he sounded just like her a couple of months ago. life was totally drained from their tired voice, traces of tears and cries were everywhere, filled with the sense of lost and helplessness.
he said he doesn't know what to do now. his mind is completely blank, he can't think, no matter how hard he tries. when he calls my name, its like him calling for help, i know that he needs someone to tell him what to do now, but i can't. i really can't.
i told him to not worry, to let his mind be blank, at times like these, that would be a good thing. and i told him that god has his own plan(even though i am now doubtful whether there is still a God, cause if there is, why is all these bad things happening to all these good people?) his entire family is now safe, they are somewhere far away from us, but safe and sound. he sounded convinced, and i felt a slight relief.
I am very worried about him. because like me, he had always been a joker in front of others, always cracking jokes and making people laugh. but people like us, we 're actually very emotional deep down inside, we just don't want to expose it to others. we're the type of people that will appear cheerful and laugh out loud when we're actually depressed and torn apart inside...

so, God, if you are real, and you are listening, hear me know.
"Please shed some light onto the dark path you've set ahead of my beloved friend. don't let him be alone, because he'd already lost too much. give him the strength that he lack, to hold on and keep living each day the way he used to. shelter him from the preying eyes and the piercing tongue of mindless people around him. make him believe, even for a second that all the pain would eventually go away. take care of uncle and aunty, and the sisters. they were nice people and they deserve to rest in peace. for making him burry his entire family on new year's day, leaving him all alone in this world, you owe him at least that much."