the miles ahead.

after many nerve-wrecking hardships and soul-searching, i shall no longer idle my life away by continuing to contemplate all the possibilities out there. instead, this time I'm grabbing the bull by its horns(this is the first time I've got it rite, i would always prefer to say 'grabbing the bulls by its balls') and charge straight into the working field.

i told myself that there is no turning back from this one! if it promises you a secured future, then no matter how mentally or physically draining it is, you must cling to your decision and live up to your reputation. stop being this wuss that is afraid to venture into the unknown simply because your worried bout hurting your already wounded self. wounds would eventually heal, it takes time but it does. so what if there's gonna be another cut or two along the path? You've been through much worse, so this is going to be a breeze for you.

kick off this new found negativity in yourself, just because you've seen all the sad ending that happens to the people around you, and witnessed the pain and suffering your loved ones are going through, it doesn't mean that you shan't hope anymore. you should keep on hoping, in fact, you should keep on believing that there are happiness and rewards waiting for those who hope and believe. as long as we can live through all the storms and tornadoes along the way.

You're finding your way. may it not be an easily padded green path, but still, it is a path, your path nonetheless. hence, you better start walking bro. so here I am, putting on my best leather shoes.

bless

he waited for rain in this long hot drought,
he prays that He will see him cry,
He told him that He did not forget him,
and it rained...

moments of darkness

this is by far, my favourite quote from a book.

"I don't remember ever once having that feeling, the feeling i so often had afterwards, that empty moment of waking up and dreading the day, of being a stranger, an impostor inside my own skin, scared of my surroundings, sad that i had woken up. One morning, one long gradual morning, i started to wake up without the covers on me, cold, breathing too quickly. That morning lasted four years.

Some days you wake up but there is more sleep in you and you can let yourself drift, wake again, then sleep, picking the moment to open your eyes properly for the first time. You swim against the day, kicking your legs to push away until you are ready to feel it pull you in. Other mornings the more you concentrate on sleep, the less you will. The sheets are too hot, the bed too cold, and the curtains never perfectly closed."

These days, i wake up each day refusing to open my eyes.

warning, this may takes time to load =P

was idling at home, n just simply browsing through the content of my pc. bump into sum pics that reminds me of the old days, so decided to do a photo post, since it's been ... god knows how long since my last one. so here it goes....

















my 1st time on look out point

















i bet da cake was covered with our saliva =P






















i miss DJ
















the best school ever!!!

















pn ki, selling her 'twist, lick, n dunk' theory.
















me.... erm...either having a headache, or 'mou-ngan-tai'...






















i miss how we used to sing our hearts out in cheap karaoke cubicles...





















and how we can forget everything after an arcade session.
















or a crazy nite-out.

















this is good....






















but this is better =)






















she was hot!!!

















the ever so cheerful red...






















the ever so controlled ad...






















and the ever so leng-cai chek, hohoho...






















i actually miss this corridor

















one word--'damn painful', no, make that two words.
















always be my babies






















hope there'll b only sunny days ahead for her






















he insisted on waiting for his grandma by the windows...
















we had fun.






















ermmm.....






















food down, weight up.






















when ppl's too deaf to listen, u write.

















the source of all evil-ish smells, can i jus box him up n throw'em into the river?
















this picture makes me sad =(






















where we go to when it rains in bkt bintang.






















i love this pic, its so colourful albeit the weather...






















i prefer candid =P






















Rings any bell?






















yup! dr sue's class(L.Of.L)

















we would nvr be too old to camwhore ;)
















so nice!!!






















i think he's gonna grow up to be quite a heart-breaker.





















jangan pandang belakang, pandang tepi.

















jaysern took this, and he's only 2!






















my nephew took this pic, and she smiled for him.























we miss him.....

a day

I woke up at eleven, sat on my bed, feeling sad and gloomy. It must be the weather.

then i continue to sit on my bed. then i..... continue to sit on my bed, and ...... continue to sit on my bed....

i'm loosing it. or did i already lost it? i'm trying to live life like any other day, like any other person. but its difficult, it really is. i've lost it, i've completely lost it....

will i ever get it back? i can't help but wonder. and wonder. and wonder.

went for lunch with pn Kong and pn Ki, managed to cheer up a bit. life seems blissfully peaceful for everyone. i'm happy for them. i really am.

got home then, didn't want to sit on the bed no more, so sat on the rug beside my bed. laid my head on the bed, while staring at the only hamster i have left(she's a very tough one, she survived pn. ki, so i think she can survive anything). had a good and mindful conversation with her, then sent her back to her cage. sat on the bed again. put on a movie on my computer, my eyes watching, but my mind is floating elsewhere.

got a call frm christine, listened to her problem, tried to give some sound advise, but mostly failed. she hung up. i continue to sit on the bed.

called chek, he's busy bowling. he hung up. i sat on the bed. turn on my favourite chinese oldies cd. i'm sitting on the bed......

Painting Imagination

I see,
More than beauty
Blinded by magnificence
Shedding every layer of my heartbeat
As my eyes stunted by all that lies ahead
Awaits.

I feel,
That to go on
Through this journey
I would give everything i own
To gain a place at that destination
Ahead.

I wonder,
What is there
That they promise
But no one had returned
And tell me tales of that dream
Afar.

I wait,
Until my heart
Cramped with disappointment
And utterly numb as I listen to Him
Telling me that there is no place for me there
Always.

I realise,
That i will never
Be a part of the beauty
Of the paradise that You've painted
Even if i give every single breath of my life
Away.

I cry,
Sitting here alone
At this crowded terminal
Everyone boarding, bidding farewell
As I stay left behind all the changes and happiness
'A'.... Stuck at the beginning.

ifUcouldHEARmeNOW. . .

for the last couple of weeks, life's been really bumpy for me, n da ppl i love.

i can't say tat things are all well n ok now. but i can say this: we are all trying our best to cope, we are holding on very tight to get through this. life was never kind to us, but who are we to demand. they say life test you, if so then i haven't been able to see any sign of all this testing coming to an end. but i won't, we won't give in.

we will not just sit there and watch as life takes away every single happiness that we earn through every painful years of our lives. we were never blessed with happiness, wealth or even health. but we were blessed with a pair of working hands, hearts that can withstand turbulence, eyes that can track the slightest beauty in a pile of scrap, and spirits that can smile after every tumble. even if it takes a lifetime to heal, we will. if that is what it takes to go on.

so we are, we are trying to be okay. albeit the sleepless tearful night a wife have lying in an empty bed. albeit the constant quiet sobbing and weeping a daughter have alone under her blanket late at night. we are trying. though You do not see the us falling apart inside. although You do not sense the sadness that smothers every single word that reminds us of him. although You do not realize how difficult it is for us, for them to get up and dress, carrying on with their lives without him.

but this i hope you do realise. i have not lose faith. so please give me a reason to keep believing. believing that everything will just be alright. please.

Pocketful of Sunshine

music does help healing....

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.Wish that you could, but you ain't gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me.
Oh, no.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

There's a place that I go,
But nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it home.

And there's no more lies.
In the darkness, there's light.
And nobody cries.
There's only butterflies.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.

I know that I'll be just all right.