moments of darkness

this is by far, my favourite quote from a book.

"I don't remember ever once having that feeling, the feeling i so often had afterwards, that empty moment of waking up and dreading the day, of being a stranger, an impostor inside my own skin, scared of my surroundings, sad that i had woken up. One morning, one long gradual morning, i started to wake up without the covers on me, cold, breathing too quickly. That morning lasted four years.

Some days you wake up but there is more sleep in you and you can let yourself drift, wake again, then sleep, picking the moment to open your eyes properly for the first time. You swim against the day, kicking your legs to push away until you are ready to feel it pull you in. Other mornings the more you concentrate on sleep, the less you will. The sheets are too hot, the bed too cold, and the curtains never perfectly closed."

These days, i wake up each day refusing to open my eyes.