entry no.59

Have you ever had the feeling that things are not working out the way you've expected them to?

But you know for sure that there is nothing you can do to make them work out the way you want them to.

You get this lurid sensation that is far in lack of any specific definition.

Is it helplessness? or is it just sheer knowledge that things are resulting in a certain way, hence feeling empowered by the knowledge of, well, just simply knowing?

Either way, it is not a great feeling.

I don't really have that many things on my plate right now. but the things that i do have, i want to gain control of.

I want these things to work out the way i want them to. even if the way i want them to work out, is not necessarily the best way some of these things can possibly turn out to be.

But still, i want them to turn out that particular way. i can't give a clear answer if asked why, cause seemingly, valid reasoning is not on the top of my list of priorities at the time being.

So, as a result, even when something is working out in a good way, in a sense that it may be the best way it might ever work out to be; if it is not the way i want it to work out, then i will not abide to it, even if it smack me right on the nose. No can't do.

That is why, i always wonder whether i'm missing out on somethings that might just be 'the things' for me. 'The things' that would alter everything in my life and turn it into a lushest garden of flowers, butterflies, bird chirping all hunky-dory that sort of crap.

But giving that a second thought, what fun would it be? Life is all about expecting the unexpected, even if the unexpected may turn out to be a fat slap on the ass.

Sometimes, it's difficult to decide.

It doesn't matter if you're a compulsive go-getter, or an indecisive nerve-wreck, things just seem to work out in their own ways.

Not the way you expect them to, not the way you expect them to not be the way you've expected them to.

Either way, we're always on the loosing end.

So why worry.